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Eradicating the Self

Eradicating the Self

Ah people living everyday life. So complicated, so messy, so boring, agitating and full of this-isn’t-rights, All that unwanted craziness, lust, addiction, fear, and trying to get others to play nice.
So much wrong. I mean…Trump, for goodness' sake.
It would surely be better to leave all that behind, awaken forever, see through the self, and never again be troubled by stupid pesky ego and its many faults, inconsistencies, annoying habits, painful emotions.
Though it’s not like you haven’t tried to wake up from this difficult dream.  All that inquiry, self help and spiritual books, therapy, meditation, one retreat after another, yoga… y’know, sheesh.
And yet somehow the sense of self hangs on. Or maybe it left for a while and now it’s back. Maybe you had several, "Aha I see!" weeks or months and then a family member triggered you, you lost a job, got painfully sick.

Could it be the darn self is not going to go away?  
Ack! But, but… c'mon, what about all those teachers sharing their carrots, I mean, pearls? All those Facebook posts and quotes about how amazing it is once you’re granted specialness by the universe, or once you inquire correctly or more often or every time you feel something.
Although if you read carefully, most honest teachers don't actually say the self/ego disappears. In fact, most say exactly the opposite.
I mean, you've probably noticed that those revered teachers (the not-dead ones) are still here too. Adya,  Rupert, Jeff... there they are, still recognizably... themselves. And looking back, it’s clear that mixed-up everyday life continued unabated for Alan Watts, Nisargadatta and Krishnamurti, all of whose foibles and addictions persisted and lived out just as strongly after awakening.
It turns out that one can wish for a better Me, or see what’s real and what isn’t at last, but either way, well... you know... Chop wood, carry water, chain-smoke cigarettes, drink too much, lust like a fiend, get mad, cry, laugh, drive, argue, dance, worry, eat, fake it, dream.
Same life. Same you. 

And also...different. Too. Both. Simultaneously.
So maybe it makes sense to finally make friends with that wacky personality.  Because unless you end up in a coma, it's not going anywhere. Awake or asleep, the everyday you is what life looks like. Quirks continue, likes and preferences continue, recognizable style continues. 
Which means maybe you can give yourself a break from all the fixing. aspiring, goal chasing, and improving, and just...(gasp) live.
And which particularly makes sense when you consider the possibility that experience is what we are. As in, not the one who is experiencing, but experience itself.

Not watching or witnessing. Being. This thought, this color, this sound, this sensation. Moving, flowing. Uncentered. Unlocatable.
If that’s what we are (because what else could we be?) well then… where’s that going to go?
So the self may be fiction and yet it’s still here, acting as if, the story continuing on. At the same time, constantly-moving experience is happening too. Simultaneously.

Self and (rather than or) no self.
Which is great, if you have a desire to understand. Because if your particular brand of spirituality includes oneness and no separation…well here it is, this is what it looks like. It's right here. One experience. Both ego and non-ego. Watcher, watched and neither.
Already inclusive, already accepting, already now. Nothing to do, nothing to attain, nothing to fix, nowhere to get. 
Life lived. Here now, as all possibilities, styles and versions.

How could it be otherwise?

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