Some of us are hurting. Maybe even a lot of us.
Some are not sleeping, or too heavy to get out of bed many mornings, or waking in the middle of the night in a panic. Some have trouble saying no to wine, food, sex or love. Some of us procrastinate. Some don’t have money, hate our jobs, the spouse is cheating or abusive, the kids are struggling or ignoring us.
Gosh there’s no lack of troublesome situations in this human existence, huh?
Seems there’s an infinite number of ways to generate anything from mild annoyance to anguished despair.
No, things are NOT ok as they are, thank you very much, all you weird supposedly-blissed-out spiritual gurus. No.
And life continues to bring situations. It’s not like that’s ever going to stop. We’re certainly never going to be able to change, fix or preempt every possible circumstance that might potentially bring pain.
So since that’s impossible, something different might make sense.
So think of any situation that is a problem. And then ask…
What does this situation mean about Me?
And notice that there is an answer to that question.
It'll be some version of, “This situation means I AM… weak, a failure, unlovable, bad, lazy, not enough, not a good parent, damaged.”
That's because some version of, “This means x-y-z about me.” is actually the common denominator to every emotional pain, anger, unhappiness we experience in life.
In fact situations that don’t carry any self-meaning or self-defining are somehow... not painful. When there’s no reflection of the Me …
Those situations don’t hurt.
Meaning about the Me is required in order for us to experience a problem in any given circumstance.
Isn’t that amazing?
It's all about the Me. Always.
So it seems we each really are the center of the universe.
Through pain, we define ourselves into existence.
That’s what suffering is for, and why problems seem to keep coming.
So that the story of Me-as-the-center-of-everything can continue.
This is good news, actually. Because it turns out we don't have to continue the hopeless task of changing or protecting against every circumstance in the universe.
Instead, we are in a better position to consider…What if this painful situation- as it is- means absolutely nothing about me? What if I’m not the center of things, what if it all doesn’t “reflect back” some meaning about me or onto me?
What if those zeroes on my bank statement mean nothing about me? What if that expression on my kid’s face means nothing about me? What if no sleep or this heaviness or that word means nothing about me?
What would that feel like?
It’s just possible that the very same situations might no longer be experienced as problems.
It’s just possible that troubles, reactions and unhappiness-es might go poof.
Which would also mean nothing about you, of course.
But it would feel better.
And that would probably be just fine with the Me, at least for a little while.
