Probably like you, I’ve done a lot of "inner work" throughout my life.

And yet...

Even today I sometimes catch myself thinking that I’m bad and unloved and fully deserving of that lack of love.

It is a constant vigil to not let that sad story of unloved self run away with good sense.

The thing is, everyone has a story that goes something like mine. Of course the details are completely different, but everyone thinks their childhood was dysfunctional and that their parents let them down in some way.

There’s always some failure when it comes to parents.

Maybe they didn’t understand or were unfair or didn’t give us what we wanted or didn’t do the right thing or did something that was definitely the wrong thing.

Sometimes people’s stories are horribly, dramatically ugly, but even the ones where nothing all that terrible happened, hurt, and for most people, they hurt just as much as the bigger dramas.

Pretty much everyone has learned to view their past as broken and themselves as damaged in some way, and to think that they are failed and not right. Clearly something is wrong with them and needs correcting.

They are unlovable or too reactive, too needy, too shy, too scared, too sad, too angry. Too... something.

And— most people think they’re the only ones who are flawed and irredeemable. Or certainly they are at least a much worse case than others, special in their badness or off-ness.  

Which is why everyone is on a path of some kind, trying to fix what is broken, to improve, to overcome, to have more good, and to arrive somewhere better.

Everyone experiences this, because THAT is how the story of a separate, individual “Me” gets to perpetuate and never has to be seen as just a story.

So what do we do with this understanding?

Well, nothing.

Because (gasp) maybe nothing needs to be done.

Notice how it feels to even consider the possibility that you- yes you, with your past, your mountain of flaws, your terrible thoughts and feelings- are just like everyone else.

If you’re too special to be ordinary, see if that’s peaceful-making and satisfying, or if that feels off too.

if you are pining to be special, notice the feeling that comes with that yearning.  Want more of that?

And then come back to consider …

What if you, just as you are, special-seeking as you may be, are not especially broken, not especially damaged, not especially a problem?

Now there's a concept.

See how that feels.